he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
