it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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