fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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