I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Jerry, you need to find god
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
