i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
