If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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