Swine flu. Run for my life!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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