maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A+ Viking dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
