Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
