I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
