I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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