Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
