I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
