people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
