Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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