nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
