is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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