He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
