i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
