you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
