His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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