i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
