i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
