i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And then he peed in my hair
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
