Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
