When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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