In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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