so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
