we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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