Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
