Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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