Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
