He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
