i just wanna soil my oats bro
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
