I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
