I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
