you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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