Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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