actually, I'm a sock model
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
