I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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