I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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