my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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