when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
