the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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