I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
