My room smells like vodka and shame
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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