I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
