whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
