If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
