this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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