i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
