Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
