Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Your dad touched me again.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
