When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
