Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
