gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is the high leading the old right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
