Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
