I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I touched a dick in church today
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