we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
