The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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