i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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