Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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