OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
