so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
