she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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