Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
