so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
