I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have demons in me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
