I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
