tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
