even my farts smell like vagina
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
