ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
