I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
