i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
